mmm thinks are running smoothly so far

a band has formed and were on a roll

sonn to be playing locally

great times

life is at its peek ive met a girl schools awsome im actually happy

               MMM yet again its been a long time since I've attended to this journal and its not like I don't like writing, because I love it, just not about my own life or things I know.  I fell that if I write what I have thought or how I think and the ideas I've had, people will look at me and then say what?? your crazy man and why do you want this or think this will happen, what's wrong with you? is another question ill get that I oppose.  So far I've managed to keep a job for about or almost three months and its going........I really don't know how its going cause that's some thing my boss should be answering because for all you know  I could be doing a back job and he really wants to fire me, or he could think that I'm one of the best workers even a regular doing what I gott'a do type person.  I've gotten myself a phone and paying it myself, at least I think I am because for the last month I haven't received a bill and its starting to worry me because I don't want the phone to randomly cut off on me while I'm talking to some one, cause then ill get really paranoid and wann'a cry because after spoiling myself with a nice new cell phone and money to spend and have fun instead of looking at others while they spend and enjoy there lives has ruined me.  Now if I'm not able to spend or have a little of some thing I get insanely bored and sad.  Yet I'm content with what I have and intend on saving as much money as I can, by just paying the cell phone bill my metro card and then keeping the rest of the money and using it wisely because if I don't then ill spen the whole and have nothing to show for incase I lose my job or if I can maintain the job and I really really want to move out.  God I want a car and an apartment and college to be paid for soooo badly.  As far as college the job I have now will apparently pay for it full tuition and all.  But they pay for a certain type of college that i might not want to attend so that becomes a problem.  As far as a career i think I've found one for myself and quite happy with the thought.  Now the car is a problem because buying it is some thing but paying insurance is a killer!! school for me has been a sketchy situation but ill deal with it, because it only gets better on account of me making it better.  Well heres to me whining on this thing and nothing good to show but the little i have now, but step by step ill get there so hopefully ill have this thing long enough to get something running for me thats good.

I tell ya some girls will eat you alive and it sucks that things have to be that way for people like me or any one in that matter.  All i have to say is that if you have some thing good going on for yourself keep it and don't push a matter that will ruin it, or at least think about what you are doing befor oyu do it because it might cause the other person anger and anguish after, of course the biggest feeling hurt.  This entry does not apply to just one person it applys to many, from the people ive been with to the people that are my friends.  I wish that i could just find that one thing that can make me happy and go with the flow as me and not care for anything else but staring at me until i smile and can't take it and die!!!! happy!!! but that will never happen and me not being much for looks on girls i would be happy with anything that ends up great ya know?(for those of you who read this) but yeah i mean i don't expect a happy go lucky relationship i know there will be arguements but ones about why didn't you get the damn groceries!!!! or why didn't you ask me befor you decided on that!!!!, even those i do love you fights!!! but ::sigh:: its not happening.  There is this one little hope i have thats been happening for almost a week that i am watching and hoping it will grow and i don't want to talk about it because if it happens greatly i will finally be happy and i don't care what any one says or thinks................i mean im not one to be mean or cruel, but when people deserve it i will deliver even if i have to fight! and well i think or hope this time the hope thats been happening will turn out great,  this thing i am hoping for has a lot of spelling error problems lol yeah so to end it on a happy note

Later and don't die</3 always

Ok now things aren't always the way i want them to turn out and well that sucks.  I am always being told that i don't express feelings and well its been told by many a girl friends, that i ask them and help them but yet i never let them know about me or how i feel.  I am very to myself and no one understands that, i don't like this xanga and i hate writting in it because i don't let out my true feelings on it all the way.  I don't like people knowing what im thinking or what i want to do its not cool for me.  Its not cool for me to let people know because im not some striving little kid for attention and sympathy for my blogs.  I don't get things i want nore can i find a girl who can open me like a book, this may hurt a lot of people but i can't afford to trust many, i hate when people are just about to get in with me but mess it all up.  Things like that cause me to close up more and make it harder for the next person.  I know thats not fair for the others that try but i learn more and more about the types of people out there and what there about each time some thing goes down. I hate the fact that im honest and yet still never get any where fast and if and when i did lie in the past i got away or got some thing i needed, although honesty has gotten me in with my parents and close friends also reliability it doesn't help when you want some thing only when you don't want it is when i revieve it, and let me say THAT SUCKS! but hey im the type that just keeps going so be it ill live right?

sorry for any one who reads this but i think i kinda whined.